i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
