Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
