Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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