you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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