He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
