I got chris browned last night
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
