Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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