See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
