I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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