You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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