The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
