that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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