I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He passed out mid-signature
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
