Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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