Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
