six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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