i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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