what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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