The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
