i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
