Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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