Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
