this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
