I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize