I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
