there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
