So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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