in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
