Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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