We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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