matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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