WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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