don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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