Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She's the barista slut.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
