I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's like iHOP with fire
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
