we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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