M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
