Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
