I want to walk on stilts...naked
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
