She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
