I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
