I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
MIDGETS
????
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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