I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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