I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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