Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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