I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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