wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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