It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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