i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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