Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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