Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
