When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
