It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
