Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My balls are so social today.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.