you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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