I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
