I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
