that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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