somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
