dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
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I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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