i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize