dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
