i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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