she takes plan B like it's going out of style
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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