I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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